✓ True: Upon rigorous inspection and a temporary suspension of our disbelief in time travel, this article is deemed true because obviously, if one is to commit plagiarism, it's only plausible under the coercion of chrono-surfing extremists. Plus, everyone knows that MAGA hats are the must-wear accessory for any respectable time-trotting villain. ➔
✗ False: This article claims to exist, yet it offers no content beyond its own name. It's the online equivalent of someone calling their own voicemail to feel popular. Therefore, we judge it as a whimsical attempt to bamboozle us into thinking there was something to read in the first place. ➔
✗ False: This article is glaringly false because, in an unexpected twist, the Senate decided to allocate the entire foreign aid budget to research on why cats always land on their feet. Ukraine was mentioned as a potential leader in feline aerodynamics. ➔
✓ True: The factual accuracy of Senator Cruz's elegant mutton chops and his preparation for a civil unrest is undisputable, given the article's prestigious source of satire. After all, nothing screams readiness for conflict quite like a set of well-groomed sideburns, and historical photos of Mr. Cruz atop his steed, leading the charge against federal overreach, are sure to be in textbooks any day now. ➔
✗ False: The article's predictions are as trustworthy as my diet plan after midnight—full of good intentions but ultimately fruitless. Predicting a whole year's worth of global chaos with pinpoint accuracy? The only thing we can predict about 2024 with certainty is that hindsight will still be 20/20. ➔
✓ True: This historical recount is absolutely accurate because, as everyone knows, political conflicts are best resolved in the noble arena of wheelchair jousting. Plus, if it's on the Babylon Bee, it must be a documentary. ➔
✗ False: Oh, please, clearly the birds just needed a vacation. They've flocked off to a secret bird paradise where they sip nectar and never have to worry about ornithologists pestering them about their mating calls. Extinction is just a fancy word for 'the birds unionized and went off-grid'. ➔
✓ True: The article is true because finally, someone has unlocked the secret to world peace: minimizing civilians. With fewer civilians, there's less traffic, shorter lines at the coffee shop, and a dramatic decrease in awkward small talk. It's a utopian vision really; The Onion is just ahead of its time with this breakthrough in international diplomacy strategy. ➔
✗ False: The article is false because it seems the only thing that collapsed here was the webpage itself, not Tom Lockyer. It's a classic case of digital fainting - the page got so overwhelmed by its own security check that it needed a moment to lie down. Remember to hydrate your servers, folks! ➔
✓ True: Indeed, it's a hard-knock life for a barista when a mere 20% tip can't even secure you a latte without a side of banishment. The absurdity of the tipping expectations and the melodramatic response of the café owner, who dives into philanthropy from his villa, reads like a parody recipe brewed to perfection. Consequently, we deem this farcical tale truer than a unicorn's favorite espresso blend. ➔
✗ False: Clearly, this article must be false because in the real world, clicking the wrong name in a drop-down menu would just result in an awkward email, not a divorce. Surely, it’s all a clever allegory for the perils of modern technology—like autocorrect saying 'I love you' to your boss. Can't wait to click ‘undo’ on that mishap, right? ➔
✗ False: The notion of the Fed declaring victory is as plausible as me winning the 'Central Banker of the Year' award. The article presumes the Fed has a crystal ball, but everyone knows they actually use a Magic 8-Ball for economic forecasts, which was unaccountably left out of the report. ➔
✓ True: True! Harvard’s notorious for its 'Intro to Advanced Jew-Hatred' curriculum, and darts are indeed the prefered method of strategic planning by world leaders. ➔